Thinking is good for you,

so is reflecting. Two things I've been able to do more often. But sometimes, when you think too much about certain things, it can only bring you down more. I miss the days when I didn't have to worry about too much. I literally just trusted. But now, I don't know if I could confidently say those same words. I see myself folding inwards more, trying to find and hold onto the only piece of light available in the dimly lit concourses of my heart. To be frank, I've been feeling pretty downtrodden, discouraged, helpless, hopeless, out-of-sync, and just confused. How could I go from feeling so empowered and on fire to a mere flicker of light in a much darkened room. I'm left to wonder how I can pull myself through, how things will turn out, how it will all play out... Worried much you ask? Yes, I'm pretty damn worried. I'm pretty damn scared too. I don't even know of what. I'm just scared. I want to be back at home, in the arms of my mom. I want her to tell me that everything would be okay.
It's hard. It's hard having so much on your plate and not knowing where to start. It's hard trying to do your best, only to see everything flop in front of your face. It's hard to genuinely care for others, when on the inside you wish you can just scream. It's hard to keep reminding myself that God has got my back when I feel like they're just mere words. It's hard.

But regardless, I need to persevere. I can't fall into these lies.